Being someone who is younger and growing a family of my own, I truly appreciated this article that came across my Feedly page.
As a teacher, I see it all the time - parents giving into their child's every demand. Then during the school day, that leaves me to be the one to always say no (keep in mind I teach Kindergarten and there is a period at the beginning of every year where I have to say no a lot!).
Emma Jenner gives five simple reasons that today's youngest people are the way that they are. If society continues to give into every little whine and whimper, what will our future adults look like? Will they whine and cry when they are told they can't have the blue cup because someone else already is using it? Will they throw a fit when they are not chosen for the promotion at work?
Below you will find a quick summary of Jenner's 5 reasons that modern-day parenting is in a crisis -
1. "A fear of our children." - Jenner feels that when parents give into their child's every demand before a tantrum is thrown, rather than just letting the child throw the tantrum and walking away, it shows that parents are afraid of their child.
2. "A lowered bar." - Children are able to do so much more than most modern-day parents give them credit for! When you model the correct behaviors and acceptable actions, your child is most likely to do them. Rather than take them to a babysitter when you want to go out to dinner for fear of them throwing a fit, take them and model the correct behavior!
3. "We've lost the village." - "Back in the day" other adults were not afraid to step in and help to correct children who are misbehaving. Now parents tend to sit back on the park bench and say things under their breath like, "where is that child's mother?" or "If that were my kid . . . ." Modern-day parent tend to become very upset whenever anyone tries to correct their child.
4. "A reliance on short-cuts." - Everyone seems to have some electronic device of some kind - a smart phone, a television, a tablet, a lap top, etc. The possibilities are truly endless. However, many of today's modern parents use these devices to entertain their child in the airport, at the restaurant, at home, etc. Also modern-day parents tend to pick up their babies or toddlers as soon as they whimper - let them learn patience! Let them learn to self-soothe!
5. "Parents put their children's needs ahead of their own." - Yes, parents should always think of their children first. However, Jenner gives the example of the dad running all the way across the zoo because his child is asking for water again. Jenner states that the parent should get the limits and say "Yes" to the water, but not until we walk past another drinking fountain. Set limits!
After reading this article and reflecting on my own parenting style as a "modern-day" parent, I have come to the conclusion that I am most definitely not a "modern-day" parent. I guess I am kind of old fashion and I hope my son grows to appreciate that!
Jenner, Emma. "5 Reasons Modern-Day Parenting Is in Crisis, According to a British Nanny" Posted on "Keep Calm and Parent On" 2 Jul 2014. Accessed 7 Jul 2014. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/emma-jenner/modern-day-parenting-in-c_b_5552527.html
Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteGreat article! I coached soccer about a year ago and your post made me think of the "participation trophy." I do not agree with giving out trophies for participating in team sports. Kids need to learn that there are winners and losers in sports and that it is OK to lose. The important thing is that they have fun. OK...back to soccer. I coached 8 to 10 year olds and we went to a German soccer tournament where the kids are pretty good. After the Germans scored a couple of goals my team lost all motivation and gave up. It happened for three games in a row and we were eliminated. After the losses, I gave a talk and at the end some of the kids asked, "Coach, when do we get our trophies?" If kids are brought up this way they come to expect the trophy. Ever since then I have been against participation trophies. Not that that has anything to do with parenting but I just thought of that when you mentioned parents give into every whine and whimper.
I couldn't agree more! Participation trophies drive me crazy! We want all children to learn to be "good sports", but how can you learn to be a "good sport" if they don't ever lose?
DeleteI see the same kind of thing happen in my classroom when I let the birthday student pick from the treasure bucket. At least 3 other students will ask for their treasure box pick too! Also, when I have students "blow" through a reading list (I have 5 different levels with 20 words each) they earn a "Blow Pop". I can't even tell you how many students cry about not receiving the reward at the end of the day, even when they didn't earn it!
Excellent point about everybody getting a prize! The real world is highly competitive in every way. There are clear winners and losers. Society is so worried about little Bobby having low self-esteem, we've gone overboard to convince children they're all winners. What message does that send the kids? It's no wonder so many are turning out to be dysfunctional adults.
DeleteGreat article Jennifer! I do feel that we are sort of "babying" our children in society today as well. As Kevin pointed out in his comment, many parents today look at the teacher as the one who needs to "step their game up" when it comes to their child's performance in school. It reminds me of a meme I once saw online where it compared parent/teacher conferences from the 1950's to today. In the 1950's, the parents were mad at their kids for not performing well compared to today, where the parent is made at the teacher for their kids not performing well.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with reason #5, "Parent's put their children's needs ahead of their own". I do feel a lot of parents today will stop at the drop of a dime to appease their children. When I was growing up and through a fit, I still didn't get what I wanted. The answer I got: TOUGH! Today, kids will throw a fit and then get what they want. You are molding them to throw more fits because they end up getting what they want due to them throwing a fit. Great post!
I saw that meme too! It cracks me up because it couldn't be more true!
DeleteI grew up with the "tough luck" too! Fits don't earn you anything. My son is 2 and when we go shopping he knows that he isn't going to get a toy or candy just because he is shopping. He knows that if he remains calm and well behaved, he will get to ride the pony before we leave Meijer. Again, he is 2 and knows better! :-)
Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you shared this article. As a parent of a 2 year old I struggle daily with my parenting skills. I know I am guilty of #4! My daughter sees me on my ipad and iphone all the time and she has apps that she uses on both of them. There have been times in a restaurant when I let her play on my phone to avoid the screaming and dirty looks :( There is a book that I bought for myself because I know that I need to be tougher! "No, Why Kids of All Ages Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It" by David Walsh has really helped me. The book talks a lot about how we are raising a generation of children who don't understand the word "no" and how they don't have perseverance or patience. What this correlates to is a generation of lazy, self entitled people. This book has really helped me realized the importance of saying "no" to my daughter because I want her to be and independent, hard working successful individual who contributes to society.
These were all pretty good observations! There is certainly plenty of blame and reasons to explain the Nanny's 5 parenting issues. Times change and not always for the better. There is indeed an observable, ubiquitous lack of discipline in our culture, both self-discipline and parental discipline. That is of course, a pretty general statement; however the evidence is observable in the anti-social behavior increasingly prevalent. From school shootings to teenage pregnancy, clearly the culture is deteriorating. Things aren't getting better and poor parenting is a big part of the reason.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this article. Being a parent of small children I also pay attention to many experiences of co workers, friends, and family members who also have small children. Any issue that is described by one of these people can be directly linked to one of these reasons. I know I have fallen short of being a good parent at times too due to one of these reasons, and we've found it to be easier to follow these from the beginning than to try to fix the issue once the behavior has been in place for a while. thankfully we do much better now and experience less issues. The things I hear range from kids sleeping with their parents, wetting the bed, not eating their food, watching (and expecting to watch) TV constantly. These are all at the age of 4-5. These all fall under setting the limits, and many parents want the quick fix instead of dealing with the bigger issue. One friend has a three year old that wears diapers to bed and wets through them every night where they have to change the sheets. this is because mom lets the kid go to bed with a sippy cup of milk every night so she won't cry. My 4 year old nephew sleeps with mom and dad every night. They have a hard time staying at people's houses for special events, because he screams his head off if sent to bed without them. A coworker's 4 year old boy won't eat anything they make, because mom and dad make him peanut butter sandwiches for him whenever he doesn't like the food. I'm sorry, but I could ramble on for a long time about this.
ReplyDeleteI think this applies as much to education as it does to parenting. Many teachers just want to teach the standards and move them on when we should be teaching students strategies and learning tools to help them become successful in any situation.